Before you went to the U.S. I thought it would be easy not seeing you around for that our relationship is more than physical contacts. Only 5 days after your left I felt nothing but loneliness. Riding home on my motorcycle and seeing the city we lived together passed by, all I could do was cry since it reminded me of you in every second. After the worst period of time, I wiped my tears (again and again), trying to focus on my own busy and regular life (actually I have a lot of things to do). However, every time I found you hang out with your new friends shopping or to have some fun, I was totally depressed for the fear of losing you. I am so jealous of all of them that I couldn't help but crying when lying on the bed, thinking about all the awful possibilities. You are probably unaware of my terrible thoughts since I tried so hard to hold my tears when we had a chat on Facetime. Last week I packed my backpack and went on a little trip, partly for my friends and partly for finding the cure of my sickness, even for only a while. Eventually I only gained too much time to think of you. As a result I cried a lot for that. These were thoughts in my heart, and behind our happy hours. I am too embrassing to tell you how silly I am and how sick for you. It is me that like a child asking for hugs all the time, never standing up by my own feet. I hate such pains from nowhere and everywhere, but I must fight for you instead of running away selfishly.