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Before you went to the U.S. I thought it would be easy not seeing you around for that our relationship is more than physical contacts. Only 5 days after your left I felt nothing but loneliness. Riding home on my motorcycle and seeing the city we lived together passed by, all I could do was cry since it reminded me of you in every second. After the worst period of time, I wiped my tears (again and again), trying to focus on my own busy and regular life (actually I have a lot of things to do). However, every time I found you hang out with your new friends shopping or to have some fun, I was totally depressed for the fear of losing you. I am so jealous of all of them that I couldn't help but crying when lying on the bed, thinking about all the awful possibilities. You are probably unaware of my terrible thoughts since I tried so hard to hold my tears when we had a chat on Facetime. Last week I packed my backpack and went on a little trip, partly for my friends and partly for finding the cure of my sickness, even for only a while. Eventually I only gained too much time to think of you. As a result I cried a lot for that. These were thoughts in my heart, and behind our happy hours. I am too embrassing to tell you how silly I am and how sick for you. It is me that like a child asking for hugs all the time, never standing up by my own feet. I hate such pains from nowhere and everywhere, but I must fight for you instead of running away selfishly.

 

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Not until we separate did I find out the lack of my confidence. The worst is, without the confidence of myself, the fear of losing you extended broader than I thought. I am so scared if we walk toward the opposite directions. The fear is always there, and it never has a rest even when I am sleeping. I dreamed about you telling me you had a decision to leave me even before the plane departed. That was the worst dream I have never had before, and I cried out like a crazy woman without breathing.

The fear is what I need to face with. I know I can do better than I used to do: crying for fear which I allowed to swallow all of my personalities. I can be a better person who always look forward positively about the unknown future with or without you.

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I am going to collect a bunch of words about love.

99 ways to say I LOVE YOU

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I am too rush to being success. Yesterday I list all the fashion design competitions recently to push myself to work on those projects. It was supposed to have some wonderful ideas coming out from my head so I can draw it quickly and effectively. However, the fact is I have no idea about basic CADs skills at all. The drawing on the sketching book can not be digitize perfectly in my laptop. I realized that I prepared not enough to be a real designer. There are lots of things to learn actually. It is necessary to calm down about going to the U.S. and to try concerntrating on one thing at a time.

 

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  • Aug 05 Tue 2014 00:28
  • 星砂

這幾天的時間如質礦的沙,緩緩經過我們的腳踝

我們在那樣質地的漩渦中,仔細記錄著每個顆粒的觸感

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