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Before you went to the U.S. I thought it would be easy not seeing you around for that our relationship is more than physical contacts. Only 5 days after your left I felt nothing but loneliness. Riding home on my motorcycle and seeing the city we lived together passed by, all I could do was cry since it reminded me of you in every second. After the worst period of time, I wiped my tears (again and again), trying to focus on my own busy and regular life (actually I have a lot of things to do). However, every time I found you hang out with your new friends shopping or to have some fun, I was totally depressed for the fear of losing you. I am so jealous of all of them that I couldn't help but crying when lying on the bed, thinking about all the awful possibilities. You are probably unaware of my terrible thoughts since I tried so hard to hold my tears when we had a chat on Facetime. Last week I packed my backpack and went on a little trip, partly for my friends and partly for finding the cure of my sickness, even for only a while. Eventually I only gained too much time to think of you. As a result I cried a lot for that. These were thoughts in my heart, and behind our happy hours. I am too embrassing to tell you how silly I am and how sick for you. It is me that like a child asking for hugs all the time, never standing up by my own feet. I hate such pains from nowhere and everywhere, but I must fight for you instead of running away selfishly.

 

 

 

 

Then I think of you instead of the blue

Lightly waddles from where we begins

Tear drops drip on my soft heart

Where grows a beautiful tree

Someday as we will

Sitting under its shadows

Squint for the dazzling sunlight

Laugh at all we have been through

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Not until we separate did I find out the lack of my confidence. The worst is, without the confidence of myself, the fear of losing you extended broader than I thought. I am so scared if we walk toward the opposite directions. The fear is always there, and it never has a rest even when I am sleeping. I dreamed about you telling me you had a decision to leave me even before the plane departed. That was the worst dream I have never had before, and I cried out like a crazy woman without breathing.

The fear is what I need to face with. I know I can do better than I used to do: crying for fear which I allowed to swallow all of my personalities. I can be a better person who always look forward positively about the unknown future with or without you.

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I am going to collect a bunch of words about love.

99 ways to say I LOVE YOU

There are 99 ways to say "I love you" in the webside.


As our condition now I might use "You put a spell on me." because I actually feel like that! I think our love is boundless and freeing like a couple of birds flying with each other.  It sometimes makes me feel aching and burning when I am missing you, but it also makes my life joyful and beautiful with you.

Love is a drizzle moistening shoots of us

So that we can stretch our minds and grow up into the one

Flourish and bloom in a delightful way

I can feel the love when you are calling me. Although your face is intangible, I would still be comforted by the invisible warmness between us.

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I am too rush to being success. Yesterday I list all the fashion design competitions recently to push myself to work on those projects. It was supposed to have some wonderful ideas coming out from my head so I can draw it quickly and effectively. However, the fact is I have no idea about basic CADs skills at all. The drawing on the sketching book can not be digitize perfectly in my laptop. I realized that I prepared not enough to be a real designer. There are lots of things to learn actually. It is necessary to calm down about going to the U.S. and to try concerntrating on one thing at a time.

 

I am so exhausted right now because I think about you tonight. You get me a serious insomnia from so far away like it can be transmited from our FaceTime. You have no idea about this city we used to live together. It punchs at my face silently with your smiles and sounds and all the things you did. I know I should stop this unhealthy sorrow, especially at the midnight.

Good night and good afternoon, my dear.

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  • Aug 05 Tue 2014 00:28
  • 星砂

這幾天的時間如質礦的沙,緩緩經過我們的腳踝

我們在那樣質地的漩渦中,仔細記錄著每個顆粒的觸感

安穩凝視彼此的聲響,是些許的哀傷與寧靜的嘈雜

但是並未帶著一點倉皇

 

你的臉頰也是粗粗的,黝黑的,與我一同曬過與笑過的

那些深刻感受你的瞬間都像是星砂

細碎、精巧而閃爍著

難以輕易地拾起,卻一粒一粒

卡在每個記憶的隙縫裡

俯首皆是

卻珍貴異常

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